I went to Washington expecting to be wowed by the views. And it did not disappoint.
We checked in at the ranger station at the start of our trip into Mt Rainier National Park to acquire our permits for backcountry campsites. Ranger Brian spoke to us at length and helped us change our itinerary to some sites that were open last-minute.
On Day 2, we headed to the Summerland Trailhead to hike the 4.5 miles up to camp. After a tough-for-me hike up, we arrived and picked a site that had views of Mt Rainier right from my tent. I was pretty tired after the hike up and camp set up, so when my hiking partner set out for a second adventure to check out some other trails, I decided to stay back and enjoy camp.
I read my book (found the author right here on Substack!) and looked at the mountains. I took my shoes off and put up my feet and just soaked it all in. I had done it. I was backpacking in the wilderness of Washington in a campsite I had seen on the internet!
I realized something though in that moment... maybe the view was never the point.
Maybe it was more about the changes that were happening inside of me that were worth everything to me.
It didn’t take long for me to hear the voices inside my head reminding me I have never been an athlete, I’m usually a little bigger than the other girls around me and I’m a pretty slow hiker. I spent years thinking the people who did trips like this were somehow different from me.
But then something really interesting happened.
The old chatter was still happening in my head, but the opposite was happening in real time.
I found that my definition of what I’m capable of had always been smaller than my actual capability.
I was here. Backpacking for 8 days across the country from my family. Actually on a trip I’d been planning for 6 months. I had made it.
Turns out, I didn’t need to become one of those people. I already was one.
I was finding that as the days passed, I didn’t feel that need to fill every silence with chatter. That’s huge for me as a talker – an external processor if you will.
There were large gaps of time where we hiked in silence or even when my partner went ahead to camp and I followed at my own pace in the quiet, no headphones to keep me busy. Just me, my mind and nature.
I found that every down moment didn’t need to be filled with action. I was content to let her explore sometimes on her own, while I had coffee and read at camp. Just soaking it all up.
Time in nature is my safe space. A space where I can be myself completely – at home there is always something that needs doing, at work I am responsible for a long list of assessments, even vacations can become an itinerary I’m trying to check off.
But sitting at Summerland Camp with my shoes off, the sun on my skin and reading a book under a giant volcano?
Nothing is expected.
I can chat.
Or not.
Read.
Stare at the mountains or the trees.
Eat a snack.
Go to bed at 8pm.
I was allowed to just occupy my own life without expectation for a while.
As a woman in my 40s with two kids, a husband and a job all vying for my time, that’s pretty incredible.
And I didn’t know how incredible it would feel.
I brought a few comforts with me on this trip to help me enjoy the time as much as I could. I was up front with my hiking partner that my goal for this trip was to simply “hike every day, drink coffee and look at mountains” - I did not need to see every part of every trail.
My kindle and my camp chair were my favorites. They made camp a joy!
The more comfortable I was, the more I enjoyed where I was.
Comfort didn’t dilute the adventure, it made me more available to enjoy it. You don’t have to choose between being outdoorsy and having a little comfort from home.
When you’re staying overnight in the backcountry, the pace changes. There isn’t the same rush to get back to the car at the end of the hike.
There is time to notice more. The sky changes as the day goes on, mushrooms on trail, animals that only come out during certain times of day.
Some things only reveal themselves when we stay long enough to notice them.
It applies to landscapes, but also to ourselves.
I had time with myself like I haven’t had in years. Time to listen, time to just be.
I will absolutely remember the views from this trip. They were more special than the 600 photos I took will ever show.
But when I think about my next backpacking adventure? I’m not thinking about the views as much as I’m thinking about the version of me that exists when I have no pressure to be anything special, just me.
The woman who hiked 45 miles – farther than I have ever gone.
Who carried her book into the backcountry.
Who sat quietly for some time every day and didn’t feel the need to make the moment productive.
Who stayed long enough to notice things about herself.
Where do you feel most like yourself?
Maybe the view was never the point. Maybe the point was giving myself the time and space to be me and see what was already there.
I always helps me to think of new creative ideas on hikes
Yay for hiking adventures & getting away from it all. That is where we can access parts of ourselves that we don’t always have time to tend to at home.
My favorite escape!