I spent my 20s going out way too much, partying and having fun, but losing a bit of myself in the process. I am the daughter of one solid introvert and one middle of the road extrovert. And what that meant was lots of conflict in our house around socializing.
One parent would want to host friends for a barbecue, one would hate it. I wasn’t totally dialed into it, but I noticed the arguments as a kid.
When I went off to college I began to realize – I really needed more alone time than some around me, and in a college dorm, that isn’t always possible. This was my first inkling I was an introvert too... a homebody if you will. But I didn’t see it quite yet.
I am social and chatty, love a good dinner out and vacations are fun for me. But there is nothing like a quiet home to reset me – and it only took me 20 years to figure it out!
In your 20s, homebodies seem boring. It feels like if you aren’t doing the THING, you’re missing out. Real FOMO stuff. Everything from parties to productivity was a thing to create happiness. Even rest was earned by hard work and lots of it.
In my 30s I was just tired. Two small kids under 2 did me in for a while and I lost some friendships over it. I was barely surviving and not at all thriving.
For years, I was so tired I wasn’t making choices, I was just surviving day to day.
Work.
Kids.
Activities.
Responsibilities.
Repeat.
Now in my 40s, I am finally sleeping, which has allowed me to have a minute to breathe and take stock of what I actually enjoy, not what I THINK I should be enjoying.
And you know what? It turns out, I like peaceful, quiet moments at home most of all. I’m able to dial back into my younger self, way before college, and see she in fact was always into the things that bring me joy now.
Things like quiet days in my garden, reading a good book with a cat, watching the birds outside my window, coffee on the deck, afternoon naps, rain on the window and coming home after a hike to a hot shower and having nowhere else to be.
Somewhere along the way, I finally stopped confusing busy with happy.
Midlife Changes
I don’t have the same energy level I did at 28 (nor should I) and my nervous system craves the quiet more than the excitement of a night out. Maybe you can relate to that too.
I’ve spent the last 20 years building a nursing career I can be proud of and a real estate business with my husband, all while raising two kids to head off into this world and be good citizens of the world. These have been the most exhausting and rewarding things I’ve ever done, and the work of my life.
And in this season? Home hits different. It’s the place I want to be more than anywhere else in the world.
It relaxes me in a way nothing else can.
The older I get, the more selective I am about who and what get my time. I’m more on a Golden Girls schedule these days – dinner at 5 and home by 8? Yes. Meet up at 9? Nope. I’ll be home on my couch with my husband by then!
Hiking Helped Me See
Over the last few years, I’ve been getting more serious about hiking, and it has taught me many things. Most importantly, it has taught me how to slow down. To find joy in things that might otherwise seem small or mundane.
When the kids were little, we hiked a lot. It took us a while, but we came to see we had to adjust our goals to meet those of the kids. Kids love the micro, not the macro.
They will spend an entire hike looking for bugs, ferns, mushrooms and water – all while completely ignoring the view at the top! I can’t tell you the amount of video I have of my son, excitedly finding some small thing on the trail that just lit him up!
Somewhere among the last few years, I’ve begun the process of tuning back into the little Kaci too. She spent whole days outside and just playing. Watching bugs. Digging in the dirt. Catching frogs. Looking at nature with awe and watching things grow.
She wasn’t worried about productivity or optimizing anything.
She was just paying attention.
Hiking didn’t make me love adventure more. It taught me to notice things.
So now, I’m spending less time chasing big adventures (although I still have some on the books!) and more time noticing the ordinary moments on trail.
The trail taught me to pay attention and now I want that in my home too.
Ordinary Luxuries
Things that used to feel like I had to earn them, now are a given in my life. I enjoy them without restriction and want to encourage you to enjoy them as well.
Fresh sheets after a long week.
A book and a thunderstorm.
Cut flowers from my garden.
An evening on the deck watching the sun reflect off the mountains.
Being able to say no without guilt.
Watching a storm roll in from the comfort of home.
These are just examples, but you get the point. Noticing what is happening around us is the life, not some big thing out there. Life is lived in these small moments and I want to spend my days noticing.
I still love to travel.
I still love exploring new trails.
But one of the most surprising parts of getting older is realizing my favorite place, is the one I come home to at the end of an adventure.
Becoming the Hiking Homebody wasn’t settling.
It was finally learning to be content.
Thanks for spending a little time with me today.
See you next Sunday.
— Kaci
Loved this, Kaci!
I am an extroverted introvert and my favourite place is home!!🤗
I love this! And these really are the very best things: ‘quiet days in my garden, reading a good book with a cat, watching the birds outside my window, coffee on the deck, afternoon naps, rain on the window and coming home after a hike to a hot shower and having nowhere else to be’. So lovely to appreciate them 💚